How to Keep the Spark Alive After 7+ Years in Your Relationship
How to Keep the Spark Alive After 7+ Years in Your Relationship
I have experienced it, and I am sure you all have experienced it as well—the spark is gone, the butterflies have migrated, and the intimacy isn't what it used to be. What are we now? Roomies?!
It's true that there's a 7-year itch and a 10-year itch; there are lots of itches and growing pains when you've been with your person for quite some time. The bigger picture is about growing together, truly being in partnership, and understanding how to evolve in love. Because the daily grind, adulting, parenting, and everything in between can put a thick film over your relationship, and you start to see each other differently, you start to get bothered more frequently, and the jokes aren't as funny as they used to be. So, let's dive into how a routine can shift to romance.
It starts with the desire to nurture and co-create a stronger foundation.
1. Remember Why You Fell in Love (And Reminisce ... A LOT)
When your partner is irritating you more than intriguing you, it’s easy to forget what made you fall for them. Taking a trip down memory lane can be a powerful way to reignite the spark. Share those early memories, talk about what first attracted you to them, and laugh about the silly things you used to do together.
Pro Tip: Plan a “throwback date night” where you revisit a favorite memory. It could be a place you visited together when dating or even recreating your first date!
2. Make Space for Spontaneity
Life can become predictable, monotonous, and BORING after years of being together. However, spontaneity can be your best friend. It is a proven way to spice things up. It doesn’t have to be grand—sometimes, the smallest surprises can make the biggest impact.
Try surprising your partner with something unexpected, like a special gift, a new look (hairstyle/outfit), a fun weekend getaway, role-playing, or even just sending them a spicy text in the middle of the day. Keeping some elements of surprise in your relationship keeps the fire alive.
3. Prioritize Quality Time (Not Just Quantity)
After 7+ years, you’ve likely spent countless hours together - smelling their farts/morning breath and seeing your partner look like life has had its way with them. But quality over quantity is key, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of spending time together just because you're in the same room, not because you’re actually connecting.
Carve out intentional time for each other (make it intentional and get cute), whether it’s a weekly date night or a quick 15-minute coffee chat in the morning. The key is being present and engaged, not distracted by phones, work, or the everyday demands of life.
Pro Tip: Designate a regular "phone-free" time where you leave your devices behind and focus only on each other.
4. Revisit Your Intimacy (Both Emotional & Physical)
As relationships grow, intimacy can often take a backseat. And when you change, so does intimacy and physicality—the ways in which you used to connect are now different. Sometimes, you don't have the words for why you no longer want deep cuddles; your body no longer wants it—it wants something else. We have to leave space for the change of intimacy.
Be open about your feelings, communicate your needs, and don’t shy away from the physical side of things. Rekindling emotional intimacy might involve deep conversations or simply being affectionate with each other in new or old ways.
Tip: Take the time to talk about your needs, desires, and even fantasies—whether emotionally or physically. Intimacy grows from communication.
5. Laugh Together (A Lot)
Humor is a powerful bonding tool. If we aren't laughing together, what are we doing?! In long-term relationships, it’s easy to get bogged down by life’s stresses and start taking everything too seriously. But laughter is one of the most important ingredients in a lasting relationship.
Do something that makes you both laugh—watch a comedy, get childish together, and tap into more silly ways to connect. Laughter creates shared memories and reminds you that you’re partners in fun, not just in responsibility.
6. Don’t Stop Flirting
Flirting isn’t just for the beginning of a relationship. In fact, it’s a critical part of keeping the spark alive. After years together, you might have forgotten how to flirt.
Whether it’s playful banter, a lingering kiss, or just a compliment on how amazing they look today, small gestures of flirtation can go a long way in maintaining a spark.
Pro Tip: Send random compliments throughout the day. Tell them they look beautiful, appreciate their efforts, or make a joke that keeps the playful vibe going.
Growing Together, Not Apart
After seven or more years together, it’s easy to think that the initial spark will inevitably fade. But with intention, communication, and a little bit of fun, the passion in your relationship can continue to thrive. Relationships evolve, and the connection you share can deepen into something even more beautiful and fulfilling.
Don’t be afraid to keep the spark alive while also feeling into what makes you tingle now vs. before! Make time for each other, be open to change, laugh together, and never stop flirting. Remember: long-lasting relationships are built on continued growth as individuals and as a couple.