Why I Stopped Trying to Be Present (And Found My Life Again)

When did mindfulness become another item on our to-do list?

I used to set alarms to remind myself to breathe. Seriously. Three times a day, my phone would buzz with "mindful moment" notifications while I was buried in deadlines, drowning in other people's content, and completely disconnected from my own thoughts. The irony wasn't lost on me; I was using technology to remind me to be present while that same technology was pulling me away from myself.

The Performance of Presence

As an entrepreneur constantly consuming content to stay relevant, I lost myself in a sea of other people's wisdom. Instagram stories about morning routines. Podcasts about intentional living. Articles about digital detox (yes, the irony runs deep). I was so busy trying to live intentionally that I forgot how to live authentically.

The breaking point came during a particularly brutal work week. I couldn't tell if the thoughts in my head were mine or recycled from the latest wellness influencer. Was I actually burned out, or was I performing burnout because that's what busy women should feel? The line between my authentic self and my digital consumption had blurred entirely.

Releasing the Pressure to Optimize Everything

Here's what the wellness industry won't tell you: the pressure to be mindful can become its own form of mental clutter.

We've turned presence into performance. Intentional living into another metric to measure ourselves against. I was so focused on being mindful that I missed the moments worth being present for, like how my coffee tasted when I wasn't photographing it or how my husband's laugh sounded when I wasn't mentally cataloging it as a "gratitude moment."

Finding Clarity in the Chaos

The shift happened when I stopped trying to optimize my awareness and started simply noticing without judgment. Instead of forcing presence, I began observing my patterns of distraction. When did I reach for my phone? What triggered my need to consume more content? What was I actually avoiding?

This wasn't about perfect digital detoxes or elaborate morning routines. It was about recognizing that sometimes the most intentional thing you can do is admit you're completely overwhelmed and give yourself permission to feel lost.

Intentional Living for Real Life

True intentional living isn't about curating perfect moments or following someone else's framework for presence. It's about making conscious choices that align with your actual life, not the life you think you should want.

For busy women juggling careers, relationships, and the constant pressure to "have it all together," this means accepting that some days you'll be more reactive than responsive. Some weeks, you'll consume more content than you create clarity. And that's not a failure of mindfulness that's being human.

The Real Digital Detox

The most powerful detox isn't from technology but the pressure to constantly improve yourself. When I stopped trying to be the perfect embodiment of intentional living and started simply living with intention, everything shifted.

Now, my phone doesn't remind me to breathe. I breathe when I need to. I'm present when it matters, distracted when it's human, and intentional about accepting both.

The question isn't whether you're being mindful enough. The question is: are you being honest enough with yourself to live your actual life?

-Susan H., lifestyle and wellness writer